Five influences that determine our Self-Esteem

Self Esteem: How worthy are you?

Self esteem: A person’s overall self-evaluation or self-worth.

Five influences that determine our Self-Esteem:

  • —  Roles we play- The more roles you have the healthier view you will have with self. Roles include being a student, parent, athlete, worker, spouse,  etc.

  • —  Social identities we form- What group do you belong to? Connection to others and being part of a group, team, family or even a clique helps increase one’s self-esteem.

  • —  Comparisons we make with others- How do you compare yourself to others? Do you compare yourself to others to improve yourself or do you compare yourself  to others to make yourself feel better (often makes yourself feel worse).

  • —  How other people judge us- Ongoing criticism from others including from parents, spouses, coaches, or boss can lead to a low self-esteem.

  • —  Surrounding culture- Lifestyle, Socio Economic Class, age group, etc.

Byproduct of Low Self Esteem:

—  More likely to have clinical problems: anxiety, depression, ED, cut/self mutilate  and loneliness.

—  Negative view of self and life.

—  Feel that their partner does not love them.

—  Feel rejected and criticized in relationships.

—  Sabotages healthy secure relationships.

—  Others feel love is not sufficient enough.

Can high self-esteem be a problem?

Yes, we call it Narcissism (the “Dark Side” of self-esteem):

  • —  Takes advantage of others to reach own goals.

  • —  Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments.

  • —  Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others.

  • —  Envies others and believes others envy him/her.

  • —  Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence.

  • —  Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others.

  • —  Is arrogant in attitudes and behavior.

  • —  Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic.

Causes of Narcissism:

  • —  An oversensitive temperament at birth.

  • —  Excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback.

  • —  Excessive praise for good behaviors or excessive criticism for bad behaviors in childhood.

  • —  Overindulgence and overvaluation by parents, other family members, or peers.

  • —  Being praised for perceived exceptional looks or abilities by adults.

  • —  Severe emotional abuse in childhood.

  • —  Unpredictable or unreliable care giving from parents.

  • —  Valued by parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem.